Envisioning the Future: Navigating Change and Growth in My Doctoral Journey
In anticipation of me spending hours staring at screens for the next 3 years of my doctoral program, I went and got a comprehensive eye exam at the optometrist's office. The doctor informed me that my prescription had changed and that I should switch out the lenses in my current glasses. I would also like to get a new pair, should my benefits allow it. It had been 3 years since my last eye exam and I am disappointed to discover that my eyes have deteriorated since. I guess three years is a long time. I reflect on what has happened in the last three years: I completed a Master's degree, I changed my teaching assignments, and I became involved with the Alberta Teachers' Association. I guess a lot can change in three years, which means by the time I am finished with this doctoral program, a lot will have changed as well on the other side of it. My mind instinctively tries to predict what would change in the near future and I have visions and dreams for my career, life, and family. But I also feel hesitant and scared that I will not achieve those dreams. So I resort to ignoring them or acting on them randomly in stressful bouts...
Gergen (2015) writes about the notion of future forming research, a science that involves envisioning what could be, rather than simply examining what already is. This contrast is evident in generalized comparisons of empirical sciences and the social sciences. Numerical data sets about graduation rates simply describe the current reality, while envisioning ways to improve those numbers lead to actions that could bring about positive change. This reminds me of the expression that the grass is greener where you water it, because future forming research focuses and gives attention to the ideal vision and potential solutions, while traditional research focuses on the present reality, hashing out its details. By watering what is already there, traditional research ends up reinforcing the status quo instead of propelling us towards possibilities and improvements. Thus, future forming research would bring attention to an ideal future that brings it closer to reality.
In my professional practice, one of several wishes of mine is to empower and support teachers in decolonizing their classrooms. This is particularly important for my school because it is academically focused in the Western/industrial sense, with emphasis on direct instruction and structured learning environments. Lopez (2020) wrote that to decolonize education, educators themselves must first decolonize the self, which then impacts everything they do, including their teaching. As an educator myself, I have felt the effects of colonial harm from engaging with my professional context. It is important to remember that current models of education as a public institution originated from colonial attitudes. After completing my Master's program, I understood that engaging in decolonizing work is an ongoing commitment that requires constant reflection, unlearning, and relearning. It is not a linear process and does not feel easy. But engaging in such a struggle is worth it for myself and my students, as well as my colleagues and my family, ultimately for the steps taken toward reconciliation with the land and the Indigenous peoples. In exploring this work, I initially approached the problem with a deficit mindset. In my capstone research, I looked at the experiences of racialized teachers when they attempted to Indigenize their practices. I interviewed their understandings and attitudes on the topic. Thankfully, it was designed as an open inquiry, allowing for the generation of knowledge using the lived experiences of my participants. From this exploration, I was able to identify three key factors that impacted racialized teachers and Canadians: performative allyship with the Indigenous peoples, paradoxes in practice, and the discovery of barriers. These three themes in my findings describe what already exists, focusing on the status quo, which was that my participants faced barriers when it came to effectively taking action toward reconciliation and Indigenization as racialized settlers. Where was the solution in this research?
Combining the ideas presented by Gergen (2015) and Lopez (2020), I have learned that I must move beyond simply putting up a mirror to an existing problem and instead study a possible vision forward to solve the problem. Gergen further explains the method of engaging in appreciative inquiry, which focuses on strengths, extrapolating the positives within a situation to summarize and compile a possible solution. This could be my research design in my doctoral dissertation, if I do not change my mind in the next few months. I have changed my mind about my dissertation and research so many times in the last week of being in the EdD program. When it comes to this learning journey, I am realizing that I just need to trust the process and believe that things will work out in the end. As long as I continue to engage with the studies by completing academic readings and relating them to my professional practice, I will reach a place that allows me to offer a valuable contribution to my field. Until then.
References
Gergen, K. (2015). From mirroring to world-making: Research as future forming. Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour, 9(45), 287-310.
Lopez. A (2020). Decolonizing the mind: Process of unlearning, relearning, rereading, and reframing for educational leaders. In Decolonizing educational leadership: Exploring alternative approaches to leading schools, pp. 35-50.