Exploring Identity, Education, and Reconciliation in Syilx Territory

This past week, I ventured out from Treaty Six Territory to the unceded Syilx Okanagan lands. It was roughly a 10-hours long drive that initially involved the flat prairie lands, which then turned into the winding paths through the Rocky Mountains, and finally to the beautiful lakes of interior British Columbia. I stayed in Lake Country, just north of Kelowna, to attend the inaugural Doctor of Education (EdD) summer intensive session at University of British Columbia (UBC) Okanagan School of Education.

Designed for scholar-practitioners, the EdD program is a terminal degree. As an education leader with interests in academic research, the EdD program allows me to continue in my profession of K-12 teaching while also exploring relevant theories of interest. The professors encouraged us in the program to explore the hyphen in our role as scholar-practitioner, and to reflect on what it means to live in such a space which exists between the two words. Most students in this program are post-secondary professionals in various disciplines, including nursing, education, and technology. Being a K-12 classroom teacher amongst them initially made me feel like I was out of place. Even the few K-12 professionals in the program were all administrators or district office staff. But the professors welcomed all 27 of us into the program and jolted us with the announcement that over a hundred applications were screened and we were the ones who made it in. Collectively, we felt an overwhelming mix of surprise, joy, contentment, guilt, and anxiety. Many of us found ourselves asking if the professors actually knew who we were, with doubt and imposter syndrome creeping in. It felt reassuring to know that I was not alone in feeling inadequate. Regardless, our journeys began and within 24 hours of being doctoral students, ideas, problems, introductions, feelings, and everything in between and beyond flew about in all directions. Coming from a Master's degree cohort of around 15 students, this was overwhelming for me. It was also the first time that I was physically in a graduate class setting, since my entire Master's degree was completed online. But after a day or two, I began to appreciate this chance to actually meet my cohort and professors in person, as well as to walk the hallways, the rooms, and the grounds of the campus. Although we were in a heat wave, being there offered me a valuable chance to situate myself in connection to the doctoral program and its people, as well as becoming more familiar with my new affiliation to the UBC. I even managed to visit several wineries in the region and go swimming in the Okanagan Lake, grazing on vegan fare while lounging on the beach. It truly was a treasured experience.

Academically, I was first prompted to ponder my identity, to explore who I am, what my past was, and where my future is going. This allowed me to introduce myself to the new learning community at UBC, while also partaking in a Syilx tradition. I also learned more about my peers in the program and was able to look beyond their fancy job titles and saw the human who embodied those titles. They were mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, aunties, uncles, cousins, and more. Spiller (2021) conceptualized the self as a verb instead of a noun. By doing so, the self becomes an evolving process, a living stream of energy that is flowing with nature that moves in, through, and around, always in flux. Combining Maori, Ubuntu, and Irish traditions, Spiller offers an "I Am" consciousness, a state of the self that stands in reciprocal relationship to the surrounding world. Exploring my own identity in such a way further helped solidify my research interest, as my professors from the University of Alberta (U of A) also taught me to write about what I know and what I am, and to study things that are of personal interest rather than what others tell me I should research. Entering the program a year after completing my Master's degree, I wanted to continue exploring the notion of reconciliation and how visible minority Canadians could become stronger allies to the Indigenous peoples rather than to perpetuate harmful colonial norms in Canadian society. However, with the variety of ideas and concepts our professors threw at us this week, I find myself questioning this path and becoming distracted with new ideas. If I alter course, it could be the best rerouting that could result in magnificent discoveries for the next three years, or a disastrous shift that makes my doctoral journey highly chaotic. Palmer (2012) reassures that it is impossible to fully master everything and thus we must focus on who we are. As educators, we teach what is in our hearts regardless of instructional techniques and subject matter expertise. This is why it is important for teachers to maintain the self in their work; without integrity to the self, teachers will "dismember" the self inside, creating pain and suffering in their work. I wonder if this is why I have constantly fought the urge to leave the K-12 teaching profession for as long as I could remember being a teacher. As I revisit this idea, I reflect on areas that lack integrity in my professional life.

References

Palmer, P. J. (2012). The courage to teach : Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher's life. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated.

Spiller, C. (2021). ‘I AM’: Indigenous consciousness for authenticity and leadership. Leadership, 17(4), 491-496. https://doi.org/10.1177/1742715021999590