From Roots to Wings: My Journey of Leadership and Self-Discovery

In my very first graded assignment in the doctoral program, I wrote a paper reflecting on who I am as a leader. Understanding that leaders are self-aware and use their identity to lead authentically, I reflected on my family, ancestral history, life journey, and current place. Initially, it was hard to make the writing sound coherent because I felt the varying aspects of my life were so disjointed. It was as if I was attempting to describe an object from drastically different angles, resulting in several snapshots that seemingly did not relate. However, I was able to smooth out the rough edges of each angle from a distant perspective, which ultimately led to a comprehensive explanation of my identity. It reminded me of a concept from one of my undergraduate psychology courses that the sum of each part is different than simply combining them together. A quick search on the internet is informing me that this idea is associated with Aristotle's notion that the sum of parts is greater than the whole. Specifically, my undergraduate recollection is regarding Gestalt psychology which explains that humans understand information as whole systems, rather than in smaller individual pieces. Perhaps this explains my discomfort when I felt I had to dissect my identity to describe each aspect of myself for my assignment.

One of my professors, Dr. Lynne Bosetti, provided me with an unexpected feedback for my assignment. She encouraged me to think of a metaphor for my identity to help visualize its many different aspects in unity. To get my ideas going, she used artificial intelligence to plug in parts of my paper to then ask it to suggest a metaphor. She wrote that the AI suggested a metaphor of a tree with deep roots and resilient branches, as my roots connect deeply to my family heritage and the Korean culture, while my life journey includes overcoming numerous challenges and finding ways to flourish regardless of setbacks and hardships like resilient branches. This tree metaphor reminded me of Machado de Oliveira (2020), who used the metaphor of the olive tree to describe modernity. In this comparison, the olive tree is the result of centuries of evolution that represents where society is today. But it is affected with a peculiar disease, colonialism, which infects various parts of the plant and is continuing to spread to the remaining parts. In a rather stark and depressing imagery, this disease continues spreading despite society attempting to cut off its affected parts, indicating that eventually the entire tree will succumb to the illness and meet its demise. With this morbid connection, I did not particularly enjoy my identity being compared to a tree as well. While I visualize the two trees as being complete different, with mine being much more healthy and alive with vitality for instance, I ponder on this notion of creating a metaphor, a symbol, for my identity. At first glance, I hesitate to name one specific thing to capture my essence because I worry that it will place limits on my self conceptualization, particularly regarding my future. I am reminded of Gergen (2015) who revealed flaws in modern science as mirroring the status quo and thus failing to offer visionary and future-oriented solutions, as well as Goldman, Baugher, and Jironet (2016) who explained sustainable leadership as a way to make decisions that include rigorous, long-term future planning. By labeling who I am using a symbol and a metaphor, I must thus think carefully not only of my past and where I am now, but also where I intend to go towards. Even a slight misalignment today could lead to a misdirection that is completely off... But I also appreciate the boldness in capturing the now, fully knowing that it could become irrelevant tomorrow. Documenting my current thoughts about myself could offer valuable insights if done in multiple series, capturing the progression of my thought over time.

So if I were to choose a metaphor for myself now, I would be a bird. Years ago, when a professor asked pre-service teachers to visualize ourselves as future educators, I came to an image of being at the forefront of migrating geese in a v-formation. I would lead the rest of the flock, my students, to new knowledge and teachings, guiding and helping to navigate by example from the front. I wonder if this metaphor is relevant to my life today. Perhaps. A few weeks ago, when Dr. Natalie Cohen asked us to visualize an animal for our writing, I connected to a hummingbird because its wings work tirelessly while its body and head remains stable to feed from the flowers. I equated this to how my hands and brain work in a frenzy while writing but the flow of ideas come out with stability, resulting in sweet nectar that results in enriching thought that nourishes me with energy. Perhaps these comparisons to birds come from my zodiac animal being that of a rooster, known for its pioneering spirit with the early morning call and the exact pinpointing of ideas using its sharp beak pecking at nourishment. Therefore, I see myself as some sort of a bird, perhaps a peculiar hybrid avian that today's ornithologists have yet to discover. With this metaphor, I am also reminded of the mythical phoenix that continually engages in a cycle of death and rebirth, as well as the Indigenous thunderbird, a powerful spiritual being associated with creation and destruction. Perhaps I am a phoenix working to evolve myself so that I can become the powerful thunderbird in the future. I have asked Canva's AI image generator to create a picture with the following prompt: a hybrid magical and mythical bird that combines elements of the fiery phoenix, grand thunderbird, leader goose, and the hardworking hummingbird. It gave me 4 potential results, and here is the one that I liked best:

References

Gergen, K. (2015). From mirroring to world-making: Research as future forming. Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour, 9(45), 287-310.

Goldman, S. K., Baugher, J. E., & Jironet, K. (Eds.). (2016). Creative social change : Leadership for a healthy world. Emerald Publishing Limited.

Machado de Oliveira, V. (2020). Mapping horizons of possibility. In Hospicing modernity: Facing humanity's wrongs and the implications for social activism, pp. 87-104.